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Sexy Banana Bread a la Nonni

August 6, 2010

Whoever says that nonnis are boring people really need to come and take a dip with me in the pool one morning. Sometimes I feel ashamed to compare my life to theirs, as I hear them discuss their daily plans, or update each other on the recent gym gossip they missed out on after having to take a week off for another injury or six.

Today was a particularly humorous day…they even caught me trying to disguise my giggle under my boogey board. And since they all firmly believe I am no older than 12, they apologized for “making me do the blush” and pretending like they were joking all along.

Character List:

WINDOWPANE NONNA: Usually meets me in the pool after I’ve already done half my workout. Enjoys things like banging on the window pane to ask me how the water is by mime-ng out an exaggerated shiver motion and then proceeding to come right into my lane as I swim laps to begin her morning “bob”.

LOUD NONNA: Seen less often than others, but somehow she knows more about me than most of them. Enjoys things like asking you too many personal questions and talking to you in Italian constantly even though your response is always a giggle or a simple “yes” as you stare back in bewilderment.

INDIAN NONNA: I think the name is self-explanatory. When she’s around, I stand no chance on gaining any insight into the Italian language. Enjoys things like scalding hot pool water. Refuses to swim in any temperature below 93 degrees.

Scene One:

Real Life Fitness for Women Pool. Approximately 8:30a.m. Water temperature=borderline sauna-like. Nonnis=extremely content that their joints won’t ache after they leave. La Femme=extremely lethargic and legitimately sweating even despite being immersed in water. WINDOWPANE and INDIAN nonni are trying to wrap up their swim but are being held captive by LOUD NONNA who does not want them to leave. She instead keeps on starting new conversations to keep them around longer.

LOUD NONNA: “This pool is too hawt two-day. This is no good for the swim. This is good for the sex.”

INDIAN and WINDOWPANE NONNI immediately start to chuckle, it’s almost like a nervous laughter, I can sense it. I immediately start to pay attention their conversation, which had previously been about surgery, and which I had been ignoring.

WINDOWPANE NONNA: “Nooo you crazy? I no like-a the sex. I hate-a the sex!  I never wanna have-a the sex.”

LOUD NONNA: “Waddayou mean you no like-a the sex? You gotta have the sex ev-er-ee day!”

WINDOWPANE NONNA: “You crazy! I no like having the sex even once ev-er-ee YEAR! I even tell-a to my husband, that I love-a him, but for the sex I no marry him. I hate-a the sex.”

LOUD NONNA: “Eee-lena, you gotta have-a the sex ev-er-ee-day to keep-a your man happy!”

WINDOWPANE and INDIAN NONNI take these as their que to leave, pretending to be humoured by LOUD NONNA as they dodge their way out the pool. I can sense that their rather uncomfortable and somewhat disgusted by LOUD NONNA.

LOUD NONNA: “Nooo, where you go? I come-a here just-a for you! And now you go! You go to have-a the sex, don’t you?”

(more nervous laughter)INDIAN NONNA: “We’ve already been here one owwwweee-ur! We did one owe-ur out there too! (points to gym).”

WINDOWPANE NONNA: “I have-a the grandkids coming for the breakfast! You no understand. You sooo lucky you have nothing you know that! All you have to do is have-a the sex everyday!”

LOUD NONNA: “I knowww Eee-lena, you’re right. I am-a lucky. Go! Go have-a the sex”

No, definitely not boring, those little Italian nonni. In their honour, I will leave you with a recipe for Mama’s (sexy) Banana Bread I’ve been enjoying since I was little.

Today I will be joining Mama for coffee with some of the ladies from our old street, the one I grew up on. The date will be hosted at C&CM’s house–a place I know very well, in fact, I refer to their mom as my mom and she will never give up on the dream that I will one day be her daughter-in-law. TM’s (Mom Part 2) mom, is yet another Nonna who is anything but boring. In fact, as kids we nicknamed her Super Nonna, to pay homage to just how cool she really was. We featured her in many of the stories we created together and documented either in our minds or in our shared journals. She was always depicted with a Super Nonna Cape on.  We will be bringing our Banana Bread, a spin on the original, which was definitely a favourite among the neighbours.

Banana Bread a la Chocolat

Banana Bread–All Sexed Up

In a small bowl, mix together 3 long hard ripe bananas, mashed and 3 tablespoons milk. In a medium size bowl, mix together, 2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. In an even larger bowl, beat 2 eggs (beat those eggs, beat them reeeeeeeeal good). Slowly add in 1 cup of sweet sweet sugar and 1/2 cup massage oil. Once that’s mixed well, add in the mixture from the smallest bowl and add in 1/2 cup chopped nuts (obviously…whatever nuts you fancy will do;)) and 1/2 cup of sexy semi-sweet chocolate chips. Finally, mix all the dry ingredients from your medium bowl in the larger bowl. Mix until well incorporated. Bake for 45-50minutes at 350.

Look at all those sexxxy chocolate chunks....


I think Loud Nonna would enjoy this especially…

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Melissa permalink
    August 6, 2010 10:50 am

    By far, the BEST blog in the HISTORY of all blogs, ever. I literally peed my pants of laughter all the way through.
    Genius 🙂

  2. foodie411 permalink
    August 6, 2010 1:17 pm

    Thats hi-la-rious! Can I come swimming 🙂

  3. August 7, 2010 2:47 am

    you are too funny!!! thanks for making me laugh!

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